They Are All Frauds!

This island is a death trap! One you’re going to fall into over and over again until your soul is as threadbare as your knickers after a trip through the Stormwall. I thought maybe I could make it from one end of eternity to the other if I could find allies to lean on. But who do you turn to on an island like this? First, I tried joining the Marauders. After all, they claim they’re all about building yourself up, and growing stronger to face a life of endless adversity. As if! They’re so twisted in their pursuit of self-improvement that they can’t be bothered to lend a hand to a friend in need. They’d be denying you the chance to build yourself up. Next, I joined the Syndicate. I thought that if I could just figure this place out, maybe I could learn how to survive here. But learning how to survive apparently means spelunking into the most dangerous tombs and convers on this island, poking every beast and monstrosity with a stick to see if it wakes up angry enough to send you spiraling into the next life. Finally I threw my hat in with the Covenant. Certainly a bunch of righteous blowhards that claim to nurture the divine spark in all of us ought to make worthy allies, concerned for their brothers. Well at their heart they’re a bloody inquisition, always watching their friends to ensure they’ve behaving like puffed-up, meddlesome busybodies. Not for me, as it turns out. There’s such a thing as “too good”. And all this with the wolf howling at our door, day in and day out. Whether it’s the Corrupted, or the Lost, or an angry tree in the shape of a reindeer, it seems like everything here wants to kill us. So here’s a bright idea: how about… A TRUCE! Let’s put aside our differences in ideology and focus on the real enemies of humanity. Well I finally found something the factions agree on, because now all three want me dead! They put a price on my head! Isn’t that my just deserts? I’ll be hunted by everything mean and supernatural if I step out on the road, and subjected to all manner of grisly torments by deranged zealots if I set foot in civilization. If you find this, stranger, heed my warning and steer clear of the factions. Despite what they say, what they really want is territory, wealth, power, control, and prestige. Take it from me, the less they notice you, the better off you’re likely to be. -Abraham van der Bilj